What might make rebuilding trust after repeated incidents difficult?

Identify which expectations have become unreliable

Ask the pupil what they expect adults to do when something becomes difficult. Repeated incidents may have involved different responses from different staff, promises that were not kept or uncertainty about who would help. Listen without requiring the pupil to agree with the adult account of every event.

Review records and staff perspectives alongside that account. Distinguish an understandable feeling of mistrust from a concern that needs formal investigation. Allegations of harmful adult behaviour must follow the school’s reporting arrangements; relationship-building activities cannot substitute for responding to a safeguarding concern.

Make one small commitment dependable

Choose a practical action staff can realistically deliver, such as a named adult checking the first instruction in a difficult lesson. Explain when it will happen and what the pupil can do if the adult is unavailable. Avoid broad promises that nothing upsetting will ever happen again.

For example, a pupil who expects help requests to be ignored could use an agreed card during independent work. The adult acknowledges it and explains when support will arrive. Reliability includes following through, rather than immediately abandoning another pupil whenever the card appears.

Coordinate the adults’ response

Agree a short account of useful cues, responses and handovers so the pupil is not asked to renegotiate the arrangement in every room. Include cover staff through the school’s usual systems. Consistency means a shared purpose and understandable routines, while still adapting appropriately to circumstances.

Where an adult gets something wrong, acknowledge the specific action and explain the correction. “I said I would return and did not; next time I will tell you if the plan changes” is clearer than a general assurance that everyone cares. Keep the exchange private and avoid asking for immediate forgiveness.

Look beyond the absence of incidents

Notice whether the pupil seeks help earlier, expresses uncertainty and returns after a difficulty. These may be more useful signs of developing trust than a quiet week in which they avoid every challenging activity. Ask whether the agreed adult response has actually felt predictable.

Review commitments with staff and the pupil, adjusting those that are unrealistic. Maintain clear expectations about safety and respectful behaviour while explaining decisions calmly. Trust is not established by a single successful meeting or a demand that the pupil now move on; it needs evidence across ordinary interactions.